Rewrites Required

A novelist is the puppet of his puppeteer publisher. It has been known for publishing houses to accept novels and then change the gender of the lead character or transplant the action to another century, continent or even planet. It's all grist to the mill, until the point when the novelist becomes a best seller and can make the publisher dance to his tune.


Literary Funny Poems


Funny poems about literary life


Related poems

Visiting My Publisher

Hone Your Craft

We really like your novel, the publisher said,
But could you make some changes before it goes to bed?
We don’t really like the title or the characters or the plot,
And do you think that you can make it, well, a little bit less hot?

There’s that bit where the hero goes out to a bar,
Well, we’d prefer if he stays in and stores buttons in a jar,
And that scene in chapter six where he takes off his clothes,
Could he be at the doctor’s complaining about a crooked nose?

Now, your heroine we like a lot, but her breasts are far too big,
And could she maybe cook and clean, not lead a desert dig?
And, please, it’s important that she never loses her virtue,
Now simmer down, we’re on your side, we won’t desert you,
We just need you to take out all the words like ‘bum’ and ‘fart’ and ‘hell’,
Remember, success will be yours when you show, don’t tell.

Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved

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