Funny Poems About Smoking

As someone who not only smokes, but also views smoking as one of my more serious hobbies, I was delighted that we were able to assemble a small collection of poems by Paul Curtis which weren't all violently opposed to this generally harmless and healthy occupation. It should be noted that some of the poems were written before the notorious smoking ban came into effect, which not only banned smoking in pubs and restaurants, but also destroyed many an intercourse fag joke.

A Storm in a Tea Cup

A counterblast to all the warnings about the dangers of smoking delivered in verse from. Yes, it does rely on a slightly dodgy pun, but it's gloriously funny all the same.

Unarguable logic combines with clever wordplay in a poem which explodes the myth that smoking are anything but healthy.


Pro Smoking Poems

Health Warning

How can they say smoking is bad for you?
It's a lot of old tosh in my personal view
All my family smoked since they were nippers
And, after all, smoking has cured my kippers

Natural Segregation

You can read it either as a poem opposed to smoking in restaurants or in favour of unspeakable behaviour in swimming pools.

A paradoxical poem which pre-dates the smoking ban.


Anti Smoking Poems

A Cool Smoke

Having a smoking section in a restaurant
Is so un-cool
It's like having a peeing section
In a swimming pool

Getting Sniffy

If you're trying to give up smoking, you need all the help you can get.

A humorous poem which underlines how little psychological support there is for those who are trying to give up smoking.


Giving Up Smoking Poems

Smokers Anonymous

Members of Smokers anonymous
Will sniff at the clothes of fellows
For any scent of cigarette smoke
And their breath for a hint of polos

Antisocial Behaviour

Some observations on the behaviour of ardent. perhaps even militant smokers who, inadvertently or deliberately, antagonise non-smokers.

A poem which epitomises the behaviour of some smokers, who operate according to the pleasure pain principle. Maximum pleasure for them; maximum pain for any non-smokers in the vicinity.


Pro Smoking Poems

Smokers Rules

A smoker is always attracted to the non-smoking section
Due largely to any one of the following eventualities:
The cigarette smoke always drifts toward a non-smoker
Regardless of the strength of breeze or its directionality.
The amount of pleasure derived from a cigarette
Depends on the number of non-smokers in the vicinity.
The time it takes to smoke a cigarette depends a great deal
On the level of protest from non-smokers in your proximity.

More Smoking Related Poems

For the high minded, there are a couple of poems elsewhere in the collection which deal not with simple pleasures of smoking tobacco, but with the exotic and mind manipulating delights that are drugs.

Dopey Brother

A poem with particular appeal for the marijuana smoker in your life.

Wow Gran

When hallucinogenic drugs meet the older generation mayhem ensues.