This selection of Paul Curtis' parodies is perhaps the part of the site which will appeal particularly to American readers. Americans have an unending and largely inexplicable fascination with 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, the poems which Paul deconstructs and then reconstructs to great comic effect.
To start proceedings, a parody of 'Twas the Night before Christmas' which reaches a particularly cruel conclusion.
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house,
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse
As earlier that night with the aid of cheese and a trap
I bad Mr. Mouse Merry Christmas as the spring went snap
A second version which is just faintly disgusting in an entirely festive way.
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the flat,
Not a creature was stirring not even the cat
The mince pies had been eaten every one and all
And the dog had thrown up on the carpet in the hall
A further parody, this time the subject of the poem is the dangers associated with camping.
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the tent
The creatures were stirring with malicious intent
They wriggled and crawled they chewed and they bit
As they made themselves a festive feast of it
An altogether more sinister parody which features the aforementioned Sons of Glendower and their incendiary antics.
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the cottage
Was silence with the owners at home in Peas Pottage
So under cover of darkness at a very late hour
The cottage was torched by the Sons of Glendower
A reworking of the festive classic to include a cast of bibulous castle dwellers.
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the castle
Not a soul was stirring not even the rascal
And the reason for all the silence within
Was an over indulgence of wine and gin
The setting for this Twas parody is seaside hotel which has been invaded by some malodorous creatures.
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the Hotel
There were creatures emitting a terrible smell
And the cause of the awful pungent aroma
Was an octogenarian party from Cromer
Another day, another dollar.
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the Crescent
Not a creature was stirring not even a peasant
But that in itself is not uncommon to see
When you live in a gated community
An altogether gentler poem about the perennial problem of 'nuisance callers' in the run up to Christmas.
Twas the night before Christmas and every abode
Was shrouded in silence all down the road
But no house was empty, they were all in their homes
They were hiding from carollers from St Jerome's
If you have come through the 'Twas The Night Before Christmas experience unscathed, you may also enjoy Paul's collection of parodies of Christmas Day in the Workhouse.