Funny Sports Poems

A collection of Paul Curtis' funny poems about all things sporting, which in England range from highly athletic sports such as rugby, through highly theatrical sports such as football to the truly competitive sports, tiddlywinks, drinking and croquet.


One can imagine that the news of London's successful bid to host the Olympics in 2012 was not met with unalloyed joy in the Curtis household, when one reads this 'homage' to 'the fastest man on earth'.


Is hot air ballooning of sport? I'm willing to accept it, on the grounds that it meets the three main sporting criteria in that it is exhilarating, dangerous and essentially pointless.

Affair Game

A poem which combines two of the English nation's most popular recreational activities in an amusing tale of conceit and deceit.

Shot in the Backside

Finally, a funny poem about football...

Ten Minutes Late

A companion piece to Affair Game, the poem Ten Minutes Late also focuses humorously on man's obsession with the twin gods of golf and sex.

Oxford and Cambridge

The boat race is a place of an annual pilgrimage for those who delight in the sight of muscle bound oarsmen in anatomically revealing lycra shorts and provides a great opportunity for sports commentators to come unstuck "The Oxford and Cambridge eights are equally matched in terms of weight, but as last year the Oxford crew have the smaller cox".

Billy the Kid

A poem about boxing which is somewhat lacking in machismo. I'm not in favour of banning boxing per se, it's just that very few boxers start of with a sufficiently high IQ that they can afford to have a few points knocked off it every time they set foot in the ring.

A Day at the Races

Horse racing, the 'sport of kings', is remarkable in that huge numbers of people attend race meetings who have no interest in either horses or racing. The fascination of A Day at the Races, so beautifully captured in the poem, is that heady mixture of wealth, champagne and sex.

Times Up

Times Up arrived on a free transfer from the twisted funny poems section and is one of those poems that is better read than explained.

Senior Golfing Moment

Aficionados of the game of golf will revel in the hilarity of this poem about a misunderstanding at the golf store (or as insiders would call it, the pro's shop).