Short Funny Christmas Poems

Few people are entirely indifferent to Christmas. Those who fail to escape from childhood delight in the simple pleasures it brings, whilst most adults appreciate that the simple things of Christmas are generally moronic, malodorous and misanthropic relatives who descend like marauding hordes and eat you out of house and home. So, in this season of goodwill to all men, please accept the odd lapse into misery or misogyny.

Christmas Spoilers

The Christmas spoilers
Will soon be with us again
And that as you well know
Means the bloody children

Without Santa's Little Helper

Without Santa's little helper
Christmas would be very hard
I don't think I could do Christmas
With out my credit card

The Queen's Speech

The Queen it would appear
Gets a TV special every year
But one of my many queries
Is why does she never get a series?

Why Did The Turkey Cross The Road? # 1

Why did the turkey cross the road?
There was a very simple reason
It was due to a lack of options for a Turkey
During the Christmas season

We Went To A Fairy Tale Party

We went to a fairy tale party
Which I thought was crappy
I ended up feeling grumpy
While my wife was feeling happy

Chavs Christmas

I kept Lily home from school
For Christmas shopping
Because it’s the very best time
To get all the presents on the list
Especially when you believe
That shoplifting isn’t a crime

The Office Party

The office party
Was relief from the slog
When you spent your time
Hitting the nog
And hanging by the mistletoe
Hoping for a snog

Scrooge Like

They say the perfect Christmas
Is blessed with family and friends
I say the fewer the better
Otherwise the present buying never ends

The Festive Interval

When celebrating
The festive interval
Please refrain from calling it
The winterval

My Very Worst Christmas Ever

My very worst Christmas ever
Was when I got an empty carton
All dog-eared and flattened out
For hours of innocent ex-box fun

Fairy Tale Statistic

Here’s a Statistic
That’s really crappy
6 out of 7 dwarves
Really aren’t Happy