More Short Funny Christmas Poems
As someone who has written the odd funny poem in my time, I am constantly amazed by Paul's ability to find a new angle on what is, in many aspects, a one dimensional festival. This collection of short funny poems tackles hoary chestnuts including UKIP, Scrooge, dyspepsia and sexual frustration. I only hope my Christmas proves as varied and interesting.
I Don't Like The Shortened Form
I don't like the shortened form
Of Christmas, it's not quaint
I dislike it because Xmas sounds
Like some kind of skin complaint
They Won't Be Playing Musical Chairs
They won't be playing musical chairs
In palaces or Royal homes
Prince Charles prefers to play a variant
Called Game of Thrones
UKIP Advent Calendar
You can now buy a UKIP
Advent calendar
I've never seen one before
I don't know what message is inside
Because for some reason
All you can hear is a slamming door
I Love Christmas Pudding
I love Christmas pudding
But it doesn't return the favour
I wish you could get Gaviscon
In brandy butter flavour
Last Christmas I Gave You # 1
Last Christmas, I gave you a scarf
But the very next week
You said "it was so last year"
Bloody cheek
Last Christmas I Gave You # 2
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,
But I'm sorry to say,
You really
Needed a kidney
My Boyfriend Is Just Like Santa Claus
My boyfriend is just like Santa Claus
Though he doesn't fulfil a single wish
And he doesn't give me presents
But he's like Santa because he's a myth
Scrooge Hates Christmas
Scrooge hates Christmas
But loves all of the reindeer
And the simple reason for that is
To him every buck is dear
More Nuts Than Can Be Cracked
We buy more drink than can be drunk
We buy more food than can be eaten
We give more gifts than can be appreciated
But for fun, Christmas can't be beaten
A Quiet Magic Descends
Oh how a quiet magic descends
Upon the streets on Christmas day
As it's the one day of the year
The shops are closed all day
She Had A Very Frustrating Christmas
She had a very frustrating Christmas
Such was the impression she exuded
Apparently the gift from Ms Summers
Was labelled “batteries not included”
A Blonde Gift
Bimbette got a new scarf for Christmas
But in the New Year she exchanged it
The store took it back without a quibble
Even though she said it was too tight a fit
