More Short Funny Christmas Poems

As someone who has written the odd funny poem in my time, I am constantly amazed by Paul's ability to find a new angle on what is, in many aspects, a one dimensional festival. This collection of short funny poems tackles hoary chestnuts including UKIP, Scrooge, dyspepsia and sexual frustration. I only hope my Christmas proves as varied and interesting.

I Don't Like The Shortened Form

I don't like the shortened form
Of Christmas, it's not quaint
I dislike it because Xmas sounds
Like some kind of skin complaint

They Won't Be Playing Musical Chairs

They won't be playing musical chairs
In palaces or Royal homes
Prince Charles prefers to play a variant
Called Game of Thrones

UKIP Advent Calendar

You can now buy a UKIP
Advent calendar
I've never seen one before
I don't know what message is inside
Because for some reason
All you can hear is a slamming door

I Love Christmas Pudding

I love Christmas pudding
But it doesn't return the favour
I wish you could get Gaviscon
In brandy butter flavour

Last Christmas I Gave You # 1

Last Christmas, I gave you a scarf
But the very next week
You said "it was so last year"
Bloody cheek

Last Christmas I Gave You # 2

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,
But I'm sorry to say,
You really
Needed a kidney

My Boyfriend Is Just Like Santa Claus

My boyfriend is just like Santa Claus
Though he doesn't fulfil a single wish
And he doesn't give me presents
But he's like Santa because he's a myth

Scrooge Hates Christmas

Scrooge hates Christmas
But loves all of the reindeer
And the simple reason for that is
To him every buck is dear

More Nuts Than Can Be Cracked

We buy more drink than can be drunk
We buy more food than can be eaten
We give more gifts than can be appreciated
But for fun, Christmas can't be beaten

A Quiet Magic Descends

Oh how a quiet magic descends
Upon the streets on Christmas day
As it's the one day of the year
The shops are closed all day

She Had A Very Frustrating Christmas

She had a very frustrating Christmas
Such was the impression she exuded
Apparently the gift from Ms Summers
Was labelled “batteries not included”

A Blonde Gift

Bimbette got a new scarf for Christmas
But in the New Year she exchanged it
The store took it back without a quibble
Even though she said it was too tight a fit