Short Funny Halloween Poems

A collection of short funny poems for halloween which range from the straight funny to the obliquely risque. This is the very essence of halloween, distilled down from our comodious collection of halloween poems to feature only those poems which are a maximum of 4 lines in length. None of the short-long trickery we employ elswhere, so expect treats galore and the occasional sharp intake of breath,

I Buy My Wife A Gift For Halloween

I buy my wife a gift for Halloween
Though not the gift giving season
Because Halloween is like Christmas
For witches, and that's the reason


I'm a vegetarian vampire
With an aversion to necks
So I fly round aimlessly nibbling
Nutty oaty chewy snacks

Are You Wearing A Ghost Outfit?

Are you wearing a ghost outfit?
I know it's only a white sheet or two
But if I let you scare me once or twice
Then can I put the willies up you

All Good Ghostly Kids

All good ghostly kids
Are brought up good and true
And they will never spook
Until they're spooken to

It's Not My Favourite Holiday

It's not my favourite holiday
And although opinions vary
I do really love Halloween
As I can eat, drink and be scary

One Good Turn...

Knock, Knock. The start of a succession
Of fat kids in Halloween costume.
I'm all in favour of Trick or Treat
And hand each one a laxative sweet.

What To Give On Halloween

What to give on Halloween?
Is a no brainer in the end
Because everyone knows
Demons are a ghoul's best friend

The Lesser of Two Evils

'Tis Halloween, the only day
When it's acceptable to say
I hope the doorbell is the Mormons
Not those fucking trick or treat morons.

I Was Stood At The Bar Last Night

I was stood at the bar last night
When a vampire gave me a fright
As I fully expected him to take a bite
But instead he ordered a blood light

Two Witches Lived Together

Two witches lived together
When they were in the states
But there was nothing going on
They were just Broommates

You Are What You Eat

If you eat any more pumpkin pie,
You'll look like a pumpkin,
Said Mom to her 300lb son,
With spray-tan orange skin.