Funny Poems About Eating

A selection of humorous poems about eating, of which the vast majority involve overeating and obesity, rather than dieting and emaciation. If mastication's not your thing, there are related collections of drinking poems (similarly, drunken rather than abstemious) and smoking poems.

A Case of Self-Restraint

Immediately challenging my introduction, the first poem involves an encounter between one who overindulges through choice and one who nearly starves through necessity.

A poem about contrasting attitudes to eating which could well have been titled 'Lardy and the Tramp'


Twisted Eating Poems

Ask A Stupid Question #1

As I came out of the chippy
With two steak and kidney pies
Large chips and mushy peas,
An old wino, with sad eyes
Said "I haven't eaten for two days"
Pausing I looked to the skies
Then I replied "I wish that I
Had will power like you guys"

You Are What You Eat

With the healthy eating brigade in full swing, there is a growing resistance movement.

A poem which takes a gentle dig at well meaning nutritional advice.


Unhealthy Eating Poems

Food Groups

There are six food groups
When it comes to my kitchen
Canned, Boxed and Bagged
Jarred, Bottled and Frozen

Hoof In Mouth

As supermarkets squeeze suppliers, so the likelihood of food scandals increases…

A jokey poem about the recent food scare which saw ready meals adulterated with all sorts of unlikely ingredients.


Food Safety Poems

Food Scare

I have just found out
That in the meals I buy
That there is sea horse
In my fisherman's pie

Thrice Neigh

…but much the most common form of contamination was substituting horse meat for beef.

The recent food scandal saw horse meat used to bulk out the meat content a wide variety of prepared meals.


Food Safety Poems

Food Scandal

The best thing to result
From the food scandal by far
Is that they can now call off
The search for Shergar

Larger than Life

Fat men (and for than matter women) on bicycles are a recurring theme in comic poetry.

A humorous poem about pie eating. For those unfamiliar with the north, it's worth mentioning that a pie is usually considered to be a light, between meal snack, rather than a meal in its own right.


Obesity Poems

The Life Of Pie

Off they go to the bakers
For a pie of pork and pickle
Trundling along the road
Riding on their obesecycle

Food for Thought

A little gently word play on the subject of dietary neglect amongst the overweight.

A poem about the eating habits of the arcade dwelling super-sloth.


Healthy Eating Poems

Salad Dodgers

When the slot machines
Are played by those with obesity
In a life spent in the arcades
It's the only fruit that they see

Short Arse

The BMI flatters to deceive when it comes to determining whether you're weight is normal or you're morbidly obese.

A poem about the notorious Body Mass Index, which finds some elite athletes obese, while moderately tall fatties get away with it.


Obesity Poems


I am not obese
Let's get that right
I am not even fat
I'm just under height

Poison Chalice

If you avoided all the foods that could possibly cause you harm, what would you end up eating?

Being ultra-fastidious about avoiding dangerous foods can leave you in a hole, but it's not always a bad one to find yourself in.


Food Safety Poems

What Can I Eat?

I don't want Swine flu
So no more pork for me
I don't want Bird flu
So no chicken fricassee
I don't want mad cow disease
So no more Beef for me
I don't want Salmonella
So no dippy eggs for tea
With mercury in the water
I will no longer eat fish
There is pollution in the air
So I'll eat no bird related dish
I cannot eat any type of fruit
Because of insecticides
And all vegetables are out
Because of the herbicides
So I am at a loss now
To know what I can eat
There is of course chocolate
But then what would be my treat?

More Eating Related Poems

Although some of the escapees are only tangentially related to the subject of food..

My Cookie Lament

In praise of the biscuit, or cookie if you prefer it to crumble that way.

Keeping Abreast

A couple in a restaurant enjoy a display of public breast feeding.

Christmas Indulgence

A stomach-churning poem about festive overindulgence.