Funny animal poems

A collection of funny poems about animals ranging from anacondas to zebras. The animal poems are amongst the gentlest and most approachable in the Peculiar Poetry collection, but beware, as some may not be as benign as at first they appear.

A Marriage Made in Heaven

A sweet little verse about the marriage between a camel and a dromedary, and its consequences.

Little Miss

A reworking of Little Miss Muffet for children (and adults) of the modern consumerist age. Feel free to substitute 'burger' for the 'M' word.

How to Sex a Dinosaur

A short funny poem which is easier to read than to describe - a rhyming poem which doesn't.

Eat, Drink & Be Messy

Originally entitled 'the lazy snail', the poem describes the life of a gastropod which succumbs to the twin sins of sloth and gluttony.


Why is a poem about aunts in the funny animal poetry section? Read it and find out!

Dogged Determination

The poem explores a common (?mis)conception regarding the Chinese and their pets.

Bye Bye

The poem's interlinked themes are Arctic exploration and manic depressive psychosis - funny poetry is, after all, written by 'funny poets'.

Kobe or Not Kobe

A poem about kobe beef, a premium product much beloved of the japanese which results from keeping cattle in the lap of luxury and then slaughtering them.


Hippos are my favourite animals - something to do with a Reginald Perrin influenced youth. I fear this poem is a little disrespectful to this noble (though often cantankerous) beast.

Pet Subject

A poem which combines snakes and mathematics seems destined for an obvious conclusion, but....

Bar Humbug

'Take a zebra to the supermarket and something like that was bound to happen.' Yes, mothers really do know best when it comes to animal husbandry.

The Revenge of the Crocodile

A cautionary tale warning kids about the dangers of becoming too friendly with a crocodile.