Funny Poems About Middle Age

Paul's funny poems about middle age reflect on the trials, tribulations and uncertainties of the period between youth and old age. Mid-life crises may be rare, but mid-life discombobulation is a common malady.

Middle Age Blues

Too old to be young
Too young to be old
Too old for Armani
Too young for a cardie
Too old for flash trainers
Too young for carpet slippers
Too old to work
Too young to retire
Too old to be cool
Too young to be wise
Too old to dare
Too young to care
Too old to mention
To young for a pension
Too old to be a lager lout
Too young to be a saga lout

Middle Aged Seat

I’m in my middle years now
And my new car is a wow
It’s fast, new and sporty
Just the opposite of me
It is sleekly lined
With its curves well defined
It has a nice interior
The leather is quite superior
My only complaint would be
The bucket seats you see
As they are made to the design
Of a smaller bucket than mine

The Barber Of Civil

My barber reliably informs me
There is no bald spot up there
He says I am not going thin on top
I’m just growing through my hair

Menopause For Thought

There is a natural order in life
There are rules to be understood
For example bearing children
There is a time limit on motherhood
The term “child bearing years”
Was coined for a very simple reason
So that everything in life
Can have its time and season
A Woman over fifty is ill equipped
To show a baby proper care
As she would put the baby down
And then forget where

A Measured Reflection

When I was young
I was broad minded
And narrow hipped
Now I’m middle aged
My proportions
Appear to have flipped