Wrong Footed

A long funny poem about a mix up over the Christmas gift to a loved one which has hilarious consequences. Stick with it, because it's cleverly constructed and includes some really dirty wordplay.


Christmas Poetry


Christmas Dirty Poems


A Gift for Maria

A young man called Paul
Wanted to buy a present
For his new sweetheart Maria
As a Christmas present

As they’d not been dating
For a very long duration
He decided to purchase
After careful consideration
A nice pair of gloves
striking the right note
Not too romantic or personal
So the gloves got his vote

Accompanied by Maria’s sister
He went to Harrods and bought
A dainty pair of white gloves
“She will like these” he thought

Maria’s sister Susan bought
A pair of panties for herself
But during the wrapping
An error was made on the shelf

The assistant mixed up
The gloves and the panties
The sister got the gloves
And Maria got the scanties

Without checking Paul sealed
The package along with a note
And sent it to his sweetheart
And this is what he wrote

Dear Maria, I chose these
As I noticed my darling
That you don’t wear any
When we go out in the evening.

If not for your sister Susan
I would have got long ones
The type with the buttons,
But Susan wears short ones
That are easier to remove.
They are a delicate shade,
But the shop assistant
where the purchase was made
Showed me the pair she has
That she’d been wearing
and were hardly soiled
After three weeks wearing
I had her try yours on for me
And she looked really chic
Even though they were
Tight on her a little bit.

She told me that her pair
Helps to keep her ring
Clean and shiny, and in fact
And this is interesting
Since she’d begun wearing them.
It hadn’t needed washing

I really hope you like them
And wish I were there with you
To put them on you Maria
for the first time I really do

As no doubt many other hands
Will have touched them
Before I see you again
Remember when you remove them
To blow into them before
Putting them away and drying
As they will naturally be
A little damp from wearing

Just think how many times
My lips will kiss them
during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them
For me on Friday night
All my love Paul till then

P.S. The latest style
Which appears to be growing
Is to wear them folded down
With a little fur showing

Copyright © Paul Curtis. All Rights Reserved

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