Funny New Year Poems

Happy New Year! Unhappy New Year? New Year is a time of mixed emotions for many people, who come under pressure to get drunk, party and behave outrageously, while secretly knowing that the new year will be as dull and unfulfilling as the one just gone. New Year resolutions merely adds to one's sense of failure, as you quickly realise that the highway to hell is indeed paved with good intentions, but riddled with potholes. Against this backdrop of gloom and despondency, what better to lift the mood than a selection of funny, frivolous and occasionally poignant poems with which to welcome the New Year and wave farewell to the old.

This Year’s New Year’s Eve Forecast

This year’s New Year’s Eve forecast;
A row with the girlfriend, acute loneliness
Followed by being mostly drunk with
A very slight chance of unconsciousness

When The Clock Strikes

When the clock strikes
The midnight hour
One year ends
And another begins
With an explosion
Of pyrotechnic splendour
Lavishly ostentatious
Many thousands of pounds
Up in smoke
Is it really worth it?
Would it not be better spent
On the homeless
And the lost?
And so begin a new year
With new hope

New Years Pickup # 1

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
On New Year’s Eve
Before the bells begin to clang
Ask her if she wants to
Ring in the New Year with a bang?

New Year’s Resolutions Are Just

New Year’s resolutions are just
Lies that we tell one another
And are something that go in
One year and out the other

New Resolve

My New Year resolution
Was to find a solution
To my misshapen figure
And lack of vim and vigour
Though feeling rather grim
I signed up for the gym
First came the orientation
And equipment demonstration
I was told of suitable clothes
Something loose that flows
I said “the reason or the point
Of me being in this joint
And why I signed up tonight
Is all my clothes are tight”