Acceptance Speech

Thanks to my Mum and Dad for giving me life,
And telling me that I’d never get a house, or job, or wife.

To my school teachers I am indebted,
As I am to the doctor who had me vetted.

Thanks to my first boss who taught me how to eat shit,
And to my second who demonstrated what happens when you don’t fit.

To my childhood friends I am eternally grateful, without them I would never have learned the meaning of the word slime,

And special thanks to Albert, the Pig & Whistle barman, who educated me in the importance of vodka and lime.

My first publisher has a special place in my heart,
For believing in me and letting me see the non-existent value of art.

And, lastly, a very special thank you to my undertaker,
Who’s seeing to it that I look presentable when I meet my maker.

Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved