An antipodean Christmas spent with an emigre daughter doesn't hit the mark for one curmudgeonly father.

Paul Curtis

Christmas Across the Sea

I am of occidental origin
And I should make it clear
That I have lived all my life
In the northern hemisphere

And every year, except this one
I’ve spent Christmas in blighty
This year, I was invited to my daughters
I tried to decline, politely

She doesn’t live in Britain
But in the land of the kangaroo
Christmas day in high summer
Oh what an awful to-do

The hot sun was like the Grinch
Not a cloud in the sky since dawn
It ruined the day for me
And it made the eggnog warm

Flies buzzed round the turkey
My hat was stuck to my head
No Queen’s speech on the telly
I wish I’d stayed home instead