More Short and Curlies

If you made it through the first Short and Curlies collection unscathed, you'll appreciate it is a low brow collection of short attention span poems which is as unsophisticated as it is funny. This second collection offers more of the same - punishing puns, corny punch lines and wicked wordplay. Think of that slightly annoying man sitting on the bar stool in your local offering a series of funny but instantly forgettable one liners - it's that, only in poetic form!

When I Told Mum

When I told mum
I had opened a theatre,
I got a rather strange
Reaction from her.
"Are you having me on?"
She said to me.
I said "You'll have to audition
And then we’ll see".

Dancing To Hip Hop

I like breakin' and poppin'
And dancing to Hip hop
At Sixty I should be stoppin'
As I’m down for a Hip op

Dividing Opinion

Because of the obvious risk
That one of us might fall
I had a stair lift fitted
Which I don’t mind at all
But my wife says that its
Driving her up the wall

When I Lived In Melbourne

When I lived in Melbourne
I often used to wonder
Why the Local Area Network
Wasn’t called The LAN down under

Could I Try On That Pretty Dress

"Could I try on that pretty dress
In the window?" she asked him
He replied "Well I would prefer
That you used a cubicle madam"

Beef And Chicken

I'm used to the term
Surf and turf on a menu
If you want meat and seafood
But now if you want to
Eat Beef and Chicken together
You order Leather and feather

God Is On The Web

God is on the Web waiting for your prayer
You can easily find Him if you look around
There is no video link, Skype or live chat
But if you have faith it will be profound
Of course if an atheist was to click the link
It would respond with “Page not found”

It Seems That Pornography

It seems that pornography
Is frowned upon
But I think that’s just all
The concentration


He had the Tarka Vindaloo
The rotter
It’s like Chicken Vindaloo
But it’s otter

You’ll Never Guess I Bet

You'll never guess I bet
What it is that you get
If you cross the Atlantic
With the RMS Titanic?
Do you give in? Can I say?
OK then "About half way"

I Went To The Movies Last Night

I went to the movies last night
And watched a really good thriller
About a man poisoning the Cornflakes
Who turned out to be a cereal killer