21st Century Nursery Rhymes

Paul Curtis's 21st century nursery rhymes are traditional English nursery rhymes reworked for a contemporary audience. The collection includes funny nursery rhyme parodies, together with one or two poems that are either quite rude or distinctly dirty, depending upon your sensitivities in such matters.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 1

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Thanks to a litigious culture, and a legal vulture
Humpty Dumpty made a big score

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 2

It's raining, it's pouring;
Politicians are snoring.
They had their chance
To save the world
Now we’re screwed by global warming

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 3

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pie man "what have you got there?"
Said the pie man to Simple Simon "what do you expect me to have?"
“I’m the pie man so I’ve got pies you dozy chav”

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 4

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls but didn’t know why.
When the boys came out to play
He had more fun because he was gay

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 5

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How has your garden thrived?
With fertilizers and chemicals?
Or is it genetically modified?

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 6

Little Bo peep has lost her sheep
And doesn't know where to find them.
She didn’t know about the foot and mouth
Or that the farmer had to burn them

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 7

I had a little hen,
The prettiest ever seen,
Which happily made
For such versatile cuisine

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 8

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Of a fashionable eatery
When his food arrived in its design contrived
He said “What’s this supposed to be?”

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 9

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,
The silly man would have looked better
If he waited till the warmer weather