21st Century Nursery Rhymes 11

Take a nursery rhyme, prod it, poke it, twist it, inject a little humour and call it a parody. The 21st Century nursery rhymes really are as simple as that.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 108

The North wind doth blow and we shall have snow
Pavements won’t be cleared and roads won’t see grit
Council employees will sit in the depot keeping warm
While the rest of us citizens have to get on with it

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 109

This is the house that Jack built!
This is mortgage on the house that Jack built.
This is the rat that foreclosed on the mortgage
That was on the house that Jack built.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 110

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
No one was to tease
That everyone agreed
As she was the daughter of Herman Munster

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 110 +1

Young lambs to sell, young lambs to sell
If I won the lottery how I would yell
If I won so much money that I couldn’t tell
That I could taste and touch and smell
I would never have to cry, "Young lambs to sell"

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 111

The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts all on a summer's day;
The Knave of Hearts he stole the tarts and took them clean away.
Which is just as well because the Queen of Hearts can’t bake
And if she’d served them to the King he’d have burnt her at the stake

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 112

It's raining; it's pouring.
The old man is snoring.
We should have changed but instead,
We didn’t and we’ll all be dead by morning

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 113

Jack and Jill went into town
To have a drink with each other
They both fell down
Outside the crown
And then threw up in the gutter

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 114

Higgledy Piggledy,
My fat hen,
She lays eggs
Full of Collagen
Good for women,
And good for men,
Higgledy Piggledy,
My fat hen!

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 115

Hey diddle dinkety, poppety, pet,
The Bankers of London should wear scarlet;
As a mark of dishonour to shame them
But they carry on as before these banking men

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 116

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown.
He does it for attention so everyone can see
Because he thinks that he’s a celebrity

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 117

“Where are you going, my pretty maid?"
"I'm going clubbing, mate," she said.
"May I go with you, my pretty maid?"
"Only if you're paying, mate," she said.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 118

When good King Arthur ruled this land,
He was a goodly king;
But Lancelot did shag the Queen
and that was not the thing
So he killed the queen but spared lance
As he was still loyal to his king