21st Century Nursery Rhymes 12

More of Paul Curtis' parodies of traditional nursery rhymes which see Mary (of little lamb fame) variously misused, maligned and abused.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 119

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a horse
She could never eat her ride
But lamb with mint sauce?

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 121

Mary had a little drink
And got pissed as a cricket
She was found in the woods
Showing the boys her thicket

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 122

Mary loved her little lamb
Every single day of course
But most of all on Sunday
With homemade mint sauce

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 123

When I was a bachelor I lived by myself,
but people told me not to get left on the shelf
So I made up my mind and got me a wife
Too late I realised I had surrendered my life

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 124

Cock a doodle doo,
My wife has lost her shoe;
oh what a convenient confidence trick
Just so she can buy some new

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 125

Little Bobby Snooks was fond of his books,
And loved by his mother and father;
But the kind of books, read by Bobby Snooks,
were pornographic in nature

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 126

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
He must be a Liberal Democrat

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 127

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
But Humpty Dumpty couldn’t fall
Because he had to wear a safety harness

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 128

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
But so Humpty Dumpty wouldn’t fall
He was sent by the head of human resource
On a three week health and safety course

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 129

Ring-a-Ring o'Rosies
Something to wipe noses
"A-tishue? A-tishue?"
Or if not a hankie

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 130

Remember, remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
They had the right approach back then
Blow up the bloody lot

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 131

Oh, Pillykin, Willykin, Winky Wee!
How does the President take his tea?
He takes it with sugar, he takes it with milk,
He takes it in bed wearing pyjamas of silk

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 132

If all the seas were one sea,
What a great sea that would be!
But if all the seas were one sea,
There’d be nowhere for you and me

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 133

I love little pussy,
Now don’t get excited
It’s not that kind of rhyme
That I want to be recited

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 134

Come let's to bed, says Sleepy-head;
Wait a while, says Mo;
Take a blue pill and grab the KY
And we’ll tup before we go.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes  # 135

Corporal Tim
Was dressed so trim,
He thought them all afraid of him;
But sad to say,
The very first day,
We had a fight,
He died alright,
For lack of equipment, poor Corporal Tim

Copyright © Paul Curtis. All Rights Reserved

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