Funny Christmas Poems

We've boxed ourselves into a corner, in that only Paul Curtis has a dedicated Christmas poetry section in which he can publish his plethora of Christmas poems which cover the the whole spectrum from Christian through to very dirty poems. The other resident poets are much less prolific producers of Christmas poems, so I've created this page to showcase their meager annual output of funny festive poetry, interspersed with a few of Paul's funny Christmas poems which are hot off the press.

New Funny Christmas Poems

We commence the new funny Christmas poems with ‘Twas Christmas in the Workhouse DSS, by our new guest poet Max Scratchmann. It has a wonderfully misanthropic and anti-establishment tone and yet perhaps hides a sinister truth.

Paul Curtis offers us a reprised, which in Christmas terms means reheated, version his classic funny pseudo-feminist Christmas poem Three Wise Ones, which now has a delicious (or deliciously bitchy) final verse.

Goodbye Mr Claus by Patrick Winstanley is a companion piece to last year's Santa Claus RIP, which has been relegated to the Rude Christmas Poems for Kids for failing to live up to the menace of its title.

This next Christmas poem by Max, The Night After Christmas, is simultaneously funny and dirty in its depiction of a typical Christmas aftermath. Well, perhaps not typical.

To follow, a funny Christmas poem which concludes with an archetypal Paul Curtis twist.

Next, three funny Christmas poems which could be described as coming from a collection of Max Scratchmann's misanthropic poems about consumerism and Christmas, but are in fact entirely typical of Max's Christmas poems as seen to date:

We finish with a funny poem by Paul Curtis about the vexed subject of Christmas gifts. So at least we now know what not to buy Paul as a Christmas present.

More Christmas Poems

I made the unfortunate mistake of writing the Christmas poetry page before asking Paul Curtis where he got any additional Christmas poems to contribute and, rather worse, forgetting that he is something of an expert on the subject, having published a prose anthology on the history and traditions of Christmas. As a result, there is a whole new section of the site devoted to Paul's Christmas poetry, which includes selections of funny Christmas poems, dirty Christmas poems, poems about Christmas traditions, religious Christmas poems and a selection of leftover Christmas poetry - the poetic equivalent of Boxing Day turkey.