Tofu is a wonder food with a wonderful appeal,
And it makes for a nourishing afternoon meal,
It’s nutritious and healthy but totally bland,
But, listen, my brothers, don’t dismiss it off hand.
For some tofu a day keeps the roofer at bay,
And it’s better for thatch than a roomful of hay,
It bounces like rubber, it’s stringy and tough,
You can use it for a dildo when you fancy some rough.
It’s great for your tyres when there’s snow on the ground,
And it’s rumoured that some on the moon has been found,
And its myriads of uses include contact sport,
And it’s even been featured on a Wimbledon court.
So hold up your bowl and top up your plate,
Who cares if it tastes like a mouldy old slate,
It’s the food of the decade and it’s ready for you,
So lie back for England and eat your tofu.
Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved