Hell On Earth

A poem for everyone who abhors the metaphorical cattle truck approach used by call centres. So that's everyone!


Poems of love and hate


Grumpy old man poems


Your Call Is Important to Us

So I'm waiting and I'm waiting, on the line, anticipating,
That a human, man or woman, will resolve this endless queuin',
But the music keeps on tinkling, Mozart melody ever wrinkling,
Till I finally hear a voice, telling me to make a choice:
To pay in cash please press the hash,
On the keypad by your knee pad,
Or please keep holding and stop scolding,
For we're fretting and regretting,
This delay and your dismay,
But we'll answer like a prancer,
Live and shiny, never whiney,
All your questions and suggestions,
Shall be shredded, torn and bedded,
By our staffers, hopeless faffers,
Dry sarcastic useless gaffers,
Jeerers, sneerers, blind old peerers,
Who'll strike your query, sideways leery,
Laugh with all their beery breath,
For to hang on, while we bang on,
Will result in certain death.
As we tell our special offers,
About other goods we proffers,
While you're captive on the line,
All no brainers, silver trainers,
And tee shirts by Calvin Kline.
So keep holding, don't go folding,
We're concerned about your call,
We have placed you, not erased you,
We will answer, never stall.
You are number two, in our call queue,
But the line grows in our sight,
But if you hold on, don't go cold on,
We will answer you. By tonight.

Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved

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