A Buxom Wench

Tight Fit is a poem about an amply proportioned girlfriend who insists on wearing undersized undergarments. How sexy is that? Quite, it would appear.


Rude and Dirty Poems


Funny Poems about Sex


Tight Fit

My first girl friend
Was amply proportioned
Not fat,
Not even plump
If she’d been a sofa
She’d have been well upholstered
So why on earth
When she had a size 16 arse
She insisted on wearing
Her sister's size 12 pants
Only God only knows
And he won’t split
Though I’m surprised the pants didn’t
Anyway I digress
The small knickers
Didn’t add to her desirability in any way
Nor detract from it in fairness
On the contrary
I think in more than one sense
It did make me want to get her pants off
Even more.

Now when it came to tights
She took the word literally
Now the tights may well have been
One size fits all
But the one size did not include her’s
On her legs they looked good
She had great legs
It was her hips that were the problem
In so much as getting her tights off
Now on most occasions this was not a problem to me
It was only when,
We wanted to
Not to put to fine a point on it
Partake of a spot of Rumpy
Getting her undressed then
Was no mean feat
Pulling her tights down
Was like pulling a porn star off your mother
Or that plastic wrapping off a frozen turkey

Her bra was no better
Being designed
To fit a 36 b
When she was actually a 38 d
Her breasts were squeezed out of shape
Like lumps of kneaded bread dough
And when you managed to unhook her bra
Which took both hands
And a knee in her back
They popped out like a pair of jack in the boxes
Or one would spring out like something
From a bizarre novelty cuckoo clock
Striking the hour
Or would lunge out
Like a deploying airbag

All her other clothes
Fitted her perfectly
It was only her underwear
That she got wrong
She was only sixteen then
Oh happy days
Sweet sixteen
Sweet as candy
For unwrapping
And it was not an unpleasant experience
Unwrapping her
I spent three exhausting years
Labouring at the task
Made all the more pleasurable
As she had two sisters
For me to unwrap

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