A selection of parodies of English nursery rhymes, including Old Mother Hubbard, Little Miss Muffet and Jack Sprat.
London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
And the reason that its falling down
Built by Wimpy
Mondays child is bleary eyed,
Tuesdays child is full of pride,
Wednesdays child is fighting fit,
Thursdays child is full of shit,
Fridays child gets out of its brain,
Saturdays child goes to the pub again
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is nice and kind in an irritating way
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey,
Along came a geezer,
Who propositioned her
And horny Miss Muffet said ok
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her and doggie some bread
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
So she ate the doggie instead.
Two little dicky birds sitting on a wall,
One named Peter, one named Paul.
Fly away Peter, away said Paul,
Don’t come back, this is my wall!
Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
And so to please the two of them
They eat vegetarian cuisine
As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives,
Seven wives now that’s really tough
I’ve got one and that’s enough
A Pocket full of Posies
"Pig flu! Pig flu!"
We all take a sickie!
For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a horseshoe nail oh what tosh.
Ill equipped and poorly lead is why they lost
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick
But Jack should have jumped higher
Because he’s set his balls on fire
Copyright © Paul Curtis. All Rights Reserved