21st Century Nursery Rhymes 5

Paul Curtis assault on the English nursery rhyme tradition continues with some battered and bruised versions of old favourites.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 41

Twinkle, twinkle little star
Are the services very far?
Oh I really hope they are
Or I will Tinkle, Tinkle in the car

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 42

Mary was a little flirt
Men followed her like sheep
But though she liked the attention
She fancied little bo peep

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 43

Yan, tan, tethera, pethera, pimp.
They’ll not miss the one with a limp
Sethera, methera, hovera, covera, dik,
Lets just kill it nice and quick
We’ve counted all the masters sheep
Let’s have lamb stew before we sleep

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 44

Hickory, dickory, dock
Some mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one,
When the pendulum swung
Hickory, dickory, dock

Hickory, dickory, dock
The mice looked on in shock
Seeing the stricken one
Fall all the way to the ground
Hickory, dickory, dock

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 45

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pint in the middle of the day
And he called for his cronies three.
Every crony had a fresh bottle,
And a very fine bottle had he;
Oh there's none so pissed as can compare
With King Cole and his cronies three.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 46

Red sky at night,
Arsonist’s delight;
Red sky at morning,
Four minute warning.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 47

Baa, baa black sheep, have you any wool?
No sir, No sir, we don’t have any wool!
Are you a nutter? Are you insane?
This is the butchers the wool shop‘s down the lane.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 48

Hot cross buns! Hot cross buns!
One a penny two a penny - Hot cross buns
Isn’t that buy one get one free? Or are they two for ones?
Not one a penny two a penny - Hot cross buns

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 49

The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
Though they were jolly, their expedition was folly

And the coast guard sent a life boat
So when the Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
Safely ashore we were able to see
Because the couples distress, the whole sorry mess
Was filmed by the BBC

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 50

Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off, and one shoe on,
He was completely shit faced my son John!

Copyright © Paul Curtis. All Rights Reserved

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