21st Century Nursery Rhymes 7

The nursery rhymes to be pariodied are becoming more obscure and parodies more twisted, or perhaps that should be warped.

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 61

Here's the church, and here's the steeple
Open the door and see all the people.
No it’s not a church anymore you see
But another place to drink coffee

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 62

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
My name is that name now
Whenever I go out,
The people will always shout,
There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
(I’m John Smith really but I’ll never be a super star named John Smith)


Rain, rain go away,
You’re ruining my holiday
I wait all year to come away
Rain, rain, go to Spain,
Don’t come back to Wales again

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 64

There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,
Well that’s not strictly true he travelled there in style
After all what is the point of being a crooked man
If you can’t live it good and large when you can

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 65

Mary had a woolly lamb
Who ran away from her
It was struck by lightning
And its now just polyester

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 66

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as night
But it’s not PC to call it black
So she calls it dirty white

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 67

Jack and Jill went up the hill
They planned to do some snogging
But jack tried to get in her pants
So she whacked him on the noggin

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 68

Ding dong bell
Pussy's in the well
And that’s where it’s staying
Until it learns not to piss in my garden

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 69

Jack ate all the lean,
Joan ate all the fat.
They left the platter so clean,
There was nothing for the cat

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 70

Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
This will never make a bomb
Not even if you added diesel

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 71

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick
But someone lit the candlestick
And poor old Jack burnt his wick

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 72

Ladybird, ladybird fly away home,
Or soon our own species will be gone
Fly back across the sea so blue
And take your extra spots with you

Copyright © Paul Curtis. All Rights Reserved

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