21st Century Nursery Rhymes 8

It's down hill all the way, as we enter the final series of fifty or sixty nursery rhyme parodies, which includes a glorious rerendering of Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 73

Little Tommy Tucker sings for his suppers,
Because he is so down on his uppers
But he doesn’t get much out of it
Because his singing is really shit

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 74

"Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?
Have you been up to London to visit the Queen?"
“No I haven’t, didn’t you hear my meow?
I’ve been locked in the garage you silly cow”

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 75

Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
This internet bomb making site
Really is a load of shite

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 76

An apple a day
Keeps the doctor away
Is an old wives tale
And doomed to fail
So when the doc calls
Just knee him in the balls

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 77

Horsey, horsey will you stop
Just stop with all that clippetty clop
You’ve been put out to pasture as you know well
So stop playing with the coconut shells

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 78

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
That is my name now
That’s John spelt with an H
And Jacob with a C
And Jingleheimer spelt the right way!!
Oh what is the point just call me JJ

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 79

The Grand old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men
And when the hedonistic Duke reached the end
He started all over again

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 80

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her face
She might call it a curl
But I’m afraid little girl
You’ve actually grown a moustache

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 81

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
“That’s inbreeding for you”

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 82

Christmas is coming the geese are getting fat
Pick me out the fattest one and we’ll have that
It needs to be a big one for our Christmas feast
In fact just give us the one that’s clinically obese

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 83

Higgledy, piggledy, my pet hen
She lays eggs for gentlemen
Well actually well all said and done
She’s an Essex hen and lays for anyone

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 84

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - perhaps she'll die!
Well she will if we don’t get rid of this useless bloody government

21st Century Nursery Rhymes # 85

Star light star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Get my hands in Glenda’s tights

Copyright © Paul Curtis. All Rights Reserved

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