Yet More Funny Christmas Poems

I hope by this stage that you've watched the Queens speech and had a snooze, or perhaps a stroll in the bracing winter air, and are feeling refreshed and ready for a final volley of Paul's funny Christmas poems.

A Perfect Gift

You need to be an aficionado of slightly dodgy 1970s TV adverts to appreciate A Perfect Gift in all it's glory.

Transvestite Christmas

A poem which lays to rest the notion that cross dressers are in any way cross; they appear delightfully benign.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

A thoroughly misanthropic, yet entirely credible, depiction of family life at Christmas.

What Do You Call A Blind Reindeer?

It sounds though it's going to be a fairly cheesy Christmas poke, but instead it turns out to contain some biting political satire.

JW Advent Calendar # 1

Jehovah's Witnesses' beliefs are gently mocked in a short pre-Christmas poem.

If The Stork Was To Visit

A poem which will appeal to grammarians, but may leave others bemused.

On Christmas Eve, A Nutcracker

Another high brow / low brow offering. Paul's regular readers may be expecting an exposition on testicular trauma, but this poem is much more sophisticated than that…

A Dog Isn't Just For Christmas

Despite misappropriating the tagline of an animal welfare charity as its title, this is definitely not a poem for animal lovers.

When Santa Returned Home

Allusions to the late, but not lamented, Jimmy Savile and the child sex scandal that followed his death, which are probably only intelligible to English readers.

Christmas Arrival

The names given to children seems to be on of Paul's particular bugbears.

A Man Bought A Christmas Tree

I was initially going to include this with the dirty Christmas poems, but it's really funny, beautiful in its simplicity and only dirty if you choose to make it so.

If you've enjoyed our new selection of poems, you'll want to hunt down the Peculiar Poetry Collection of Funny Christmas Verse which features 70 original poems by Max Scratchmann, Paul Curtis and Patrick Winstanley. It's currently available in eBook and old fashioned printed form, fully illustrated by the multi-talented Max.