More Dirty Christmas Poems

A second collection of dirty funny Christmas poems by contemporary English poet Paul Curtis. From condoms and cocaine snorting to hand jobs and hairy nipples, you'll find a riot of funny filthy poems to help you survive the festive period.

Rudolph the Rampant

A funny poem for Christmas about Rudolph the Reindeer, who has an insatiable and completely indiscriminate sexual appetite.

Santa’s Little Helper

A funny dirty poem about a sexy santa outfit which promises to be extremely dirty, but ends up being unexpectly clean.

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Campanologists, vicars and a little ding-a-ling are all the ingredients you need for a cracker of a Christmas poem.

Christmas Turkey

A dirty Christmas poem which features additional twists and turns which elevate this poem above your average 'stuffing the turkey' poetic fare.

Everyone in the Grotto Knows

A funny poem about Santa's little bit on the side.

Santa’s R & R

There's no stopping Santa when he returns to the North Pole after his Christmas Eve exertions, desperate to get his paws on Mrs Claus. Well, almost no stopping him!

Party Claus

A second humorous poem about pumpy humpy in the Claus household.

Christmas Perfection

Looking for something delectable to enjoy over the festive period. Sometimes, all one's Christmases do come at once!

Santa And Elfie

One of Paul's recurring themes is Santa's shenanigans with his entourage - wife, elves and even on occasion his reindeer.

It’s The Office Christmas Do

Christmas office parties are characterised by bibulous behaviour leading to libidinous excesses. Thank goodness they're once a year affairs.

Are You Wearing Christmas Knicks?

The first of a trio of poems which begin Are you wearing... For the uninitiated, knicks are synonymous with knickers.

Are You Wearing Christmas Stockings?

Moving tantalisingly on, Paul treats us to a poem about Christmas stockings.

Are You Wearing Christmas Garters?

To conclude the trio, a poem about Christmas garters. Let's hope they're not trimmed with holly.

Ever So Humble

It's quite a feat, a nine line poem with an aaaaaaaaa rhyme scheme. How much more satisfying if it had been an aaaaaaaah!

Brandishing Your Mistletoe

A poem which is dirty in its intent, rather than dirty in its execution.

The Big Fella’s R & R

A poem about how Santa unwinds after the frenetic Christmas activity concludes with a satisfying pun (or cheesy, depending on your viewpoint).

Santa Claus Is In Trouble

A deliciously indelicate poems about Father Christmas receiving a little treat from the Christmas fairy.

Panter Claus

A poem pregnant with promise which becomes increasingly less erotic as it progresses.

Ebenezer Scrooge Went To Court

The dickensian character is charged with a truely horrendous crime.

Ruby The Red Nosed Bimbo

A jolly, jaunty and distinctly naughty poem about the antics of the red nosed bimbo.

Celebrating Crimbo

A second poem on a bimbo theme, this time a little more dissolute and more obviously funny.

I Eat Everything

It sounds from the title as though it's going to be a poem about overindulgence, but it's much darker and less pelasant than that.

Three Men Died On Christmas Eve

A poem about the moment of judgement before St Peter's Pearly Gates. So far, so conventional.

Have A Cracking Christmas

Innuendo in Excelsis makes a fine finale to the dirty poems.